A Rewind of 2018

Hellooooooooy mi gente! Happy fucking New Years! Shit that happened fast! I literally remember exactly what I was doing & feeling in the first week of 2018 like it was just last week. Then again, I started my new year in a pretty unforgettable way xD I am so fucking proud to say I am at the complete opposite feeling, mentally & emotionally than what I was in the beginning of 2018. I figured this would be a perfect way to sit down & just reflect on the past year. So here’s my 2018 rewind! Hope you enjoy it!

Now as I said above, my new year started off on a memorable note. At this point, I’m pretty sure everyone knows what happened or at least has a good idea of it xD But it was a cliche way to start the New Year I’ll tell ya that. For the record though, it wasn’t much of a surprise. You know when you can feel something is gonna happen soon so you’re not too shocked when it does? Yeah that was me. Don’t get me wrong, it sucked but, like I said it wasn’t a surprise. Nawimsyin?

Things got pretty fucking interesting as the year went on. I was outgrowing people, outgrowing situations, taking control, learning so much about how I want to live my life, & accepting what is & what isn’t anymore. I have to say, the first half of 2018 was pretty fucking annoying. It was plot twist after plot twist. Shit was getting exhausting.

A few people I thought would be in my life for awhile, made their way out pretty fucking fast xD That shit was like a domino affect. As soon as one person left, the other ones followed xD At the time I was pretty upset, but as the year went on I realized it was actually a good thing to have them gone. I never actually realized how much stress came from having those people in my life. As much as I was “toxic” to them, they were just as “toxic” to me. I’ve learned a lot from my errors within those relationships & I am so glad I was able to move on, in a way(I might be petty from time to time but hey aren’t we all ;D).

2018 was one for the books, I was starting to live for myself. I was doing what I wanted to do & wasn’t apologizing for it. I mean, nobody else apologized for doing me dirty aka “doing what makes them happy” ;D. Don’t get me wrong, I was hurting people’s feelings, but isn’t that life? Not everyone is gonna agree with your decisions but in the end, IT IS YOUR LIFE. I was cautious & not intentionally hurting people but if I wanted to better myself & do things that made me happy I didn’t care all that much. Shit that sounds fucked up… But you guys get what I mean? Life is too short to be living it for others & being miserable. I wanna be happy overall. That was my priority in 2018.

I’m glad to have gone through all the bullshit that I did with people in 2018. From that, I was able to get closer to other people. I have genuine people around me now & it’s a great fucking feeling. A special shout out to Savannah for being the only loyal person during the shitty part of my year. Thank you for being genuine & for being down as fuck. Thank you for being so real with me & thank you for introducing me to your beautiful family! I’m so happy that we’ve gotten closer. You’re a beautiful person inside & out! You deserve to be happy so don’t ever forget that. Love you bitch!

While I’m giving shout outs, shout out to Ana. Thank you for helping me realize what’s actually important and what isn’t (what’s worth my fucks given & what isn’t). Thank you to Sydney for being so understanding & genuine! Thank you to Jessie & Jocelyn for always being loyal & Jessie for being the best friend ever. Thank you to Bamba as well for being there for me EVERY SINGLE DAY. For being patient as fuck when I was losing my shit. Thanks for also showing me that my feelings matter too.

In conclusion xD 2018 was shitty(but nothing compares to how shitty 2017 was, I mean I did attempt suicide… ha, wow.) Well, let me rephrase that, 2018 started off pretty fucking shitty. The last few months however, have been the most peaceful my life has ever been. I didn’t get my usual seasonal depression! HOLLA! I was actually taking care of myself & pleased with how my life was going. I went to a few concerts. Drank a lot of fucking coffee… A LOT. Discovered new coffee shops! Had some great nights with great people! I’m so happy how my year has ended.

Now this is probably the time where I should discuss my goals for 2019, but I feel like in the past, that has done nothing but bring me problems. That whole “speak it into existence” bullshit ain’t for me. Sorry guise xD I noticed that every year around this time, I would talk about how I plan on doing this or that, or that the upcoming year is gonna be my year & it always turns out shitty xD I did it last year & the year before that & yeah. Not fun. I’ve just decided to “move in silence” & enjoy the ride. Get shit done & prosper in life. Be happy. Be healthy. Be me. Hope everyone haa a safe & fun New Years Eve.! I hope your 2018 was full of happiness & growth! I hope your 2019 brings you even more.

Xoxo, Bad N Bruja ;D

Now here’s some gems from this year, enjoy! (This year I’ll try to take more pictures instead of videos xD)

Tropicalia 2018

Hellooooooy! Washpoppin?! It’s been about two weeks since Tropicalia but I felt like I should still get this post up cause let’s be frank here, I disappeared & this is a great way to come back  xD  Or at least I think it is. I promise I’ll get into why I took a “hiatus” for two months later but for now, music!

 

So if you follow me on any of my social media’s you would know I went to Tropicalia two weeks ago. For those of you that don’t know what Tropicalia is, it’s a music festival held in California. The line-up tends to be more on the Latin side. This years line up was pretty fucking dope. I honestly bought my ticket just to see Cardi B… & eat because well, festival food is always BOMB AS FUCK. Pero anywayssss. The first day of Tropicalia was pretty chill, I didn’t care to see anyone besides Los Angeles Azules. They were fucking cool. Good vibes their entire set which is always fun. Side note: I had some bomb ass pupusas this day. Shit was heavenly. The salsa on them there pupusas gave me life. The headliner Tropicalia had for day 1 was Morrissey. Someone that Sav & I didn’t care to see so we ended it early that day. Side note again: 5 hours before Morrissey was scheduled to play, all the food vendors had to go vegetarian xD So nobody was allowed to sell meat or consume meat products. I thought it was funny but a lot of meat eaters were pissed the fuck off. Apparently Morrissey refuses to perform if he can smell dead animal flesh. It was such a dick move but hey, he’s a die hard vegan so there’s that.

 

Tropicalia Day 2 was a little more exciting. Everyone I cared to see was performing that day. Starting it off was Lil Rob, MC Magic & Baby Bash. Ya girl was having middle school flashbacks xD (As if I even knew what the fuck they were talking about back then). Deadass tho, they all did fucking great! I sang my heart out to MC Magic’s full set. Feeling chill as fuck during Lil Rob’s set (what a daddy by the way). Baby Bash was fucking mesmerizing! God I love that man. Just super fucking happy Tropicalia had them on the line up. Day 2 was my favorite day for sure. Sav & I definitely had more fun & drank a lot more than day 1. I was happy I was able to afford to catch a decent buzz at one point(festival beer prices are fucking riDICK) Had a heart to heart moment with Sav at one point, teared up y todo ya know, girl shit xD Love you puta! The next artists we wanted to see was La Sonora Dinamita. Cumbia royalty if anything. They put on such a fantastic set! Holy shit! I sang & danced(hardly any room to move tho) the entire time. Sorry for anyone who got annoyed by my ugly singing voice in the videos… I sound better when I try ;D One of the downfalls to day 2 was, my fucking bitch ass allergies were a fucking mess. Ya girl was constantly sneezing, looking high as fuck cause of all the damn pollen and dirt flying all over the place. Shit was not fun. Not to mention, the only fucking reason I went to Tropicalia was for Cardi B…. as most of you know, she cancelled *insert crying emoji* DEPRESSING! I was so fucking bummed out guise. I’ve been dying to see Cardi B, she’s my fucking queen. I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. SHES A FUCKING GODDESS. But unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to see her. To replace her was SZA. I don’t care about her & Save had aready seen her so we dipped out early again…. mostly cause shit was freezing. We were by the Queen Mary after all. Plus my gosh darn allergies weren’t playing that night.

 

The entire weekend was pretty damn great. Our last day in Cali was actually a lot of fucking fun. Spent it mostly in downtown Fullerton. Did some shopping, got Sav to buy some cute ass fucking dresses(she gon’ look BOMB AS FUCK at Viva next year. STAY TUNED…) Downtown Fullerton has so many cute ass little shops guise. Not to mention the bars. We ended up at Matador Cantina. They have THE best Happy Hour menu EVER! That shit was fucking beautiful. I’m not big on happy hour just cause they tend to have shitty alcohol but this place knows what’s up. Sav & I are gonna have to go back & do a full on Downtown Fullerton Bar Hoping night cause that place looks fun. Shit, it’s fun in the daytime so I can only imagine at night. Everyone was telling us it’s a fun place to be so. We’ll do it again.

 

Ahhhh, so you’re probably like “okay bitch now where the fuck did you go the past two months?!” or you might be thinking “I really don’t give a fuck. Just came to read about Tropicalia.” or maybe nobody really cares & just came for the pictures (thanks for the support no matter what tho). Well I honestly don’t think it’s too deep. I just kinda didn’t feel the urge to write. The desire to write was kinda put on hold after I dealt with some school drama. Had to drop my class since UNLV fucked me over with my financial aid… Still salty about it. But anyways, I just took a break. I was losing motivation to pursue this in all honesty. Kept thinking if I can’t continue in school, then what the fuck am I gonna do with the rest of my life? It was something I just didn’t wanna dwell on cause it fucking made me so upset. I spent an entire weekend crying over it. If anything I still don’t even know if I wanna go to UNLV next semester but I also have no other choice so xD I was also starting to not like my second job. Shit was just getting harder & harder to go in & stay. I was making excuses to leave early. My bosses could even sense I wasn’t being myself. I’m lucky enough to be employed by super fucking understandable people cause they decided to put me “on-call” meaning I can have time to myself. FINALLY. I was working almost every fucking day for four months straight. I was about to lose my shit.

 

On another note, life isn’t so bad at the moment. I finally decided to let go of shit & let things be. For the longest time I was trying to avoid shit from happening & pushing people away. I was holding on to shit & letting it get in the way of my happiness(pretty sure my close ones know what I’m talking about). I finally gave up on preventing things from happening. I’m letting myself be happy and embrace change. I’m embracing the positive people in my life & progress I’ve made since the beginning of the year. I really have come a long away. Most of the progress has come from the amazing people I have in my life right now. The most being from Bamba. He’s been the absolute BEST during all the stupid shit this year. A man who deserves a lot more recognition for all his support & everything he’s put up with. Thank you. I appreciate you so much & although I don’t show it as much as I should, I’m glad you’re in my life.

 

SIDE MOTHA FUCKING NOTE: I also discovered “cold brew” coffee guise… GUAOW. I know it’s nothing new & ya’ll are like “how the fuck you gonna name your blog what you named it, be about coffee & just now discovering cold brew” well calm the fuck down. I usually stick to iced coffee or lattes. WHICH, cold brew is kinda like iced coffee, just no ice…. don’t @ me…. okay carry on.

 

Well now ya’ll know. In short, ya girl was just taking a break, needed time to recharge. But a bitch is back. I for sure missed writing so I’ll be back soon, I promise 😀 *leaves for another two months* ha, just kidding. Okay talk to ya’ll SOON. Hope everyone has a nice night & happy hump day! xoxo

 

Day 1 \m/

Okay this guy’s shirt was great xD

THE FUCKING PUPUSAS & BOMB ASS SALSA

Day 2 makeup was ON FUCKING POINT!

These vegan ass tacos were so damn good guise!

Being a skonka.

I love her.

The sky looks fake as fuck.

Cute finds in downtown Fullerton xD

This was from our first night in Cali xD Sober.

At Matador Cantina!

I’m having fun with makeup again 😀

Cut From The Fucking Team

Helloooooooy mi gente! Como están las cosas?! What’s new?! What’s the 411, what’s the hot gossip? What has everyone been up to? xD Me you might ask? Well if we’re being frank, I’ve been in a funk this past month. Kinda just not been feeling as great as I was from last time. I was fucking cut from the team that’s for sure. Don’t ya just love when life throws yet ANOTHER curve ball at you?! xD Great shit, thumbs up for life’s dark humor.

 

No pero en serio, it hasn’t been easy. I kinda hit a low point this past month. Just let shit kinda take over my happiness(as I tend to do with everything). I don’t think I have ever been so shook before in my entire life as I have been these past couple of months. LULZ. Not only was I dealing with that bullshit, but ya girl was also under so much financial stress. This summer has been such a shitty time for industry workers…. in Vegas…. in this heat… it’s like hotter than the Devil’s balls out here guise. Issss tough. I could feel a dark energy inside me, just eating away. I was almost completely consumed by this. It was getting overwhelming & not only was this happening but people around me just couldn’t seem to understand.

 

“I think you like being sad & emo…” um, ehcume???? These kinds of things were just being said which was only driving me further away from people. Like wow, um I’d like to just be alone please. It was hard to get that across. At one point it just felt like I was being smothered by people just expecting so much & almost demanding so much from me. Expected things that I was just not capable of doing at the time. People just couldn’t understand that I am not in the right mindset to do these things, to give so much. I was tired everyday. I wanted to sleep all day & it was just getting harder & harder to get up & out of bed. I do not want to do this anymore. I just want to be left alone. Literally didn’t want to be bothered, don’t talk about me, don’t talk to me. I wanted to be left the fuck alone.

 

I was hitting my breaking point. It didn’t erupt however, until this past Friday’s event. The Taking Back Sunday concert. Prior to the concert, I had been having a mediocre day. My mom noticed & commented on how fucking exhausted I looked. Literally tried to talk me out of going, but I made a commitment to Sydney so I was like I’M GOING TO THIS CONCERT… but I am gonna need some cefecito(aka Cuban espresso, aka Cuban coffee, aka DAT BOMB ASS SHIT OH WHATEVA) to wake me the fuck up. Now, if you’re Cuban you would know que tomando un cafecito antes de salir for a night of drinking, can do wonders(stay tuned)… GUAOW! This was honestly THE BEST FUCKING SHOW I HAVE BEEN TO IN AWHILE. Quite possibly the best one overall. I started it off by running into my good friends, Kat & Whitney being among them! Such beautiful souls. Mingled a little with them, then headed straight for that middle spot in the crowd \m/ I mean, if you’re not IN the crowd, are you really AT the concert? I think the fuck not.

 

I fucking SANG my fucking heart out y’all! If you follow me on my social medias, you know exactly what I’m talking about xD (Sidenote, sorry to all the people I drunk texted “I lobe you” but like I lobe you, I really do.) I hadn’t been that happy in so long. TBS gave such a KICKASS performance guise. That shit was unreal. They picked the best songs to rage & cry to. The crowd was so alive & full of such great, positive energy. I was literally in the midst of it, soaking it all up. Everyone was POLITE AS FUCK. I just can’t get over how awesome everyone was that night. I was drinking & at one point in the middle of their set I realized “OH FUCK… IM DRUNK.” Now the smart thing to do in that situation is STOP drinking, but oh no. Ya girl wasn’t about that life that night. I went balls deep without a care in the world. THIS WAS A PROBLEM. Like I said I had been harboring some dark feelings for awhile & it definitely came out that night… in the form of tears. Ha, cause I mean what else would I do?

 

Dude, I just let it all out. I had to leave right after TBS finished their set so I didn’t get to stay for Coheed & Cambria’s set. I ended up at The Modern Vegan(BOMB AS FUCK & OPEN LATE AS FUCK \m/) just balling my eyes out guise. Partly because I knew I was drunk as fuck & my mom would not appreciate me coming home that drunk… I knew I was gonna disappoint her which made me that much more sad. How fucking Hispanic is that? 23 years old but still terrified of disappointing your mom, HA. Oh she was hella mad when I showed up at home… had to be walked to my door xD SHOUT OUT TO SYDNEY \m/ Thanks for putting up with my emotional ass! I know what you’re probably thinking, damn I bet that hangover was brutal… PLOT TWIST, I HAD NO HANGOVER. Like I said, Cuban coffee does wonders y’all. Prevents any & all hangovers TRUST ME. That morning after the concert however, I was in more of a funk. I was deep in thought, wondering why did I cry that fucking much cause damn, I haven’t drunk cried that fucking hard since last summer honestly.

 

But it finally hit me. I knew exactly what I needed to do at this point to get the fuck out of this funk. I have done it before so. I had to get my mind on a good path & have it stay there. I wasn’t about to give anyone the power over my feelings anymore. I was over it. Shout out to a couple of my friends though(Ana) for helping me try new things out when it comes to getting in the right mindset… for instance, POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS y’all! As cheesy as it sounds, they work. I have been saying them for awhile now actually. I was only doing it before work which had helped, but after that concert I decided to say some for life in general. This really worked cause I kinda stumbled upon a positive path in life right now. This shit happened a little too fast so I’m just extra alert right now in all honesty xD But hey, I’m here for this. I’m so damn excited to see where this will take me. I’m fucking ready for this new chapter in my life…

STAY TUNED GUISE.

 

xoxo, your neighborhood skonka(bonus points if you get this reference)

It had been awhile since I got to go HARD with my makeup… I was pleased.

Yup… Estoy boracha in this one.

Las chikis.

I’m living for this teal moment we had here… No filter needed.

Photo credit: Whitney!

With Friends Like These Who Needs…

Hellooooooooy! Sorry it’s taken this long to get yet ANOTHER post up guise! xD It’s taken me about a month to write this post honestly. I kept going back & fourth on what I wanted to say xD I love being open with you guys but at the same time there’s certain things I don’t even wanna dwell on anymore ya know? Like moving past it type shit… but here I am… but so are you since this title has definitely  captured your attention! LULZ.

 

June was just an all around train wreck… or at least one week in particular. It was just one thing after another…

That week just started off pretty odd for me. I was messaged by an old friend who I haven’t spoken to in two years. Ana. Now if any of my readers have known me since high school, you would know we were inseparable. Ana was my absolute best friend. It wasn’t until a certain situation that caused us to part ways. Her message caught me WAAAAY off guard. Never expected to hear from her again. She actually apologized for how shit ended up being. SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME. Nobody has ever apologized to me for doing me wrong… they usually don’t want to accept when they’ve done something wrong to me & just drop me xD Happened that week also LULZ. It was really great to hear from her actually. The more I thought about it, she never did anything fucked up to me personally. I just felt extremely uncomfortable with the situation. A situation which she has even admitted to being “young & dumb.” Can’t be mad at someone if they can admit when they’ve made a mistake right? Or at least has shown growth from it as well. Ana had mentioned we should catch up & of course I said the generic thing, “Yeah I’m down” not ever actually expecting it to happen… no shade of course xD I actually did miss Ana so I’m so glad she was mature enough to reach out to me. Thanks skonka <3

 

The next couple of days were just an emotional wreck for me honestly. Someone had told me they would do something(EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) for me a month prior & that fell through. It was just excuse after excuse with this person. Because they never gave a fuck about it. Because they have no remorse or regard for other people’s feelings and well being. Even went to the point of ignoring me. What was really frustrating about this situation was that everyone seemed to baby this person. It was hurtful & annoying to see. I was so baffled by how other people were choosing to handle this situation. Protecting this person at all costs when THEY are in the wrong. When it was this person who did such a disrespectful & unforgivable thing. Kind of sucks that this situation ever even happened. Sucks to come to the realization that not everyone thinks like you. That not everyone will do for you, what you would do for them. NO MATTER THE SITUATION.

 

Mid week Ana actually asked me if I would like to go to Zak Bagans’ Haunted Museum with her & another friend. UM YES BITCH! I had been wanting to go to this museum since it opened up back in October 2017. The plan was for Friday night. I was really excited. I thought hey, finally some good news. Like all things in life however, something had to happen to cause another bump on my road. Totes okay though, otherwise I wouldn’t have shit to write about. People love a good shit show after-all. Thursday happened… Oh what a day. A now former friend pretty much broke up with me xD AGAIN I thought to myself. Way to be dramatic about it by the way (& yes that’s coming from me). This really threw me off guard. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt in the moment. In all honesty though, this shit was loooooong overdue. (I was actually planning to slowly remove myself but this person beat me to the punch xD) I didn’t really know how to take it though. At that point from all the shit that was going on that week, I just felt numb. I was asked “how do you feel about it” my response “I don’t really know.” I was just fed up dude. Over everything & everyone at that point. “Y ahora que?!” type shit.

 

For the longest time, I always had fingers pointed at me. Me being a “toxic” person. Me being a “negative” person. Me being “dramatic” when my feelings were hurt. (They loved making me feel discouraged with that one) Pretty much the one who was ALWAYS in the wrong. I was the scapegoat I suppose. HOWEVER, not once did these people EVER want to acknowledge the times that THEY were wrong. The times that THEY were negative. Shit, these people were just as toxic as I was. Loved to tell everyone else about the situations(arguments/fights) we were going through just like I did. But hey, I don’t mind being the bad guy now… better than being a victim that’s for sure. NO SHADE, just saying I’m glad I don’t pull that shit. (So before someone tries to twist my words, I’m NOT calling anyone out on “playing the victim”).  We all had our moments of being “bad friends” & we all had our moments of being fucking amazing & there for each other. I do cherish & am grateful for the good times I had with these former friends. I guess people just out grow each other. All that shit I stated above was just shit I had kept in & we all know I suck at communicating so I figured I’d “put it in a blog” like one of you suggested ;D Thanks for the sarcastic advice xD Or maybe it was sincere…. oh whale still thankful for it! 

 

I had been surrounding myself with positive individuals back in May actually & have been keeping it going. People that do treat me with respect & do appreciate me as a friend. People who actually accept me for me & understand me. I had been doing things I wanted to do. I wasn’t having that black cloud of paranoia around me anymore. That was something I felt all the time with the other group of friends I guess. I knew it wasn’t good for my mental health & well being anymore. I wasn’t walking on eggshells around people anymore. I didn’t wanna feel that way so I changed my surroundings a bit. I was genuinely enjoying my life. I wasn’t caring about whether I would be invited to hang out anymore, whether I was being talked about (be it good or bad). I was just simply worried about me for once. JUST ME. I didn’t care that I wasn’t included in BIG hang outs. I don’t need to have a BIG group of friends, especially if they weren’t all supportive of me. Quality NOT quantity. I didn’t need to be around people who do nothing but talk about each other, because they do. I don’t need to be surrounded by shady people (AGAIN, not calling anyone shady but hey, take it how you want). I can say with confidence I know who is gonna have my back no matter what. I know who I can trust. I know who is down for whatever. I know who I can count on to hide a body if anything…. Okay I’m slightly exaggerating that last part xD But y’all know what I mean! It’s a great feeling to finally know.

 

I’d like to give a BIG shoutout to Ana. Hanging out with her that following Friday(shit can y’all be live that was all in one week?! xD) was really something I needed. It felt like old times with her. She’s pretty much the only person who is just as, if not MORE awkward than I am… DEADASS that bitch is awkward. No but for real, she opened up my eyes that night. Pretty much told me sometimes you won’t get an answer from people… & that’s okay. (She also pointed out that I already knew the real answer, especially after the actions of people)  That’s life. You have to just let that go. Sometimes people won’t apologize for the pain they’ve caused you. ALSO, who gives a fuck if someone is or isn’t in your life anymore. She’s gotten me to that point of just not caring about shit like that. Not caring if someone talks shit about me… or if someone asks other people if I’ve talked about them ;D (Okay I’m just being petty with that last part, AHUUAH) If somebody doesn’t wanna accept me for me, oh FUCKING whale. Life is still gonna continue.

I DID have a life before these people, I WILL continue to have a life after them. I don’t have it in my heart to hate them. That’s far too much energy on my part. I wouldn’t wish any of them to fail or live a tough life either. Despite this title, I don’t consider anyone an enemy… that was just slightly clickbait xD My bad y’all. I just hope everyone gets what they’re dying for… Cardi B reference ;D

So I’m just here, doing me & living my life. I’m unapologetically me.

Xoxo, this SKONKA <3

A thriving queen… JK. Just an excuse to show off side boob.

Special shout out to this bitch for always being DOWN. Also cameo from Bamba xD

ANA! <3 Also cameo from Martiiiiin.

This was a FUN ass night.

A thriving GODDESS.

Did a day trip to see this babe & get my haircut by her <3 TALENTED AS FUCK.

She’s Growing Or Whateva…

BEFORE I say anything, I’d like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out to me because of my last post. You guys really have made my day with your heartfelt comments. Honestly I never thought anyone would actually reach out or even read it. I was very shocked to hear from certain people, never thought my shit would be that interesting to read. Special shout out to Megan <3 You’re beautiful babe & I appreciate you telling me your story. I love you.

 

Hellooooooooooy! Sorry it’s taken me so long to post! I was having an “off” month xD  I decided to change up my usual routine of things & start trying new stuff. I started to hang out with new people as well as people who have always been around but just never spent much time with. I was reconnecting with past friends and former coworkers(a lot actually). My work life was being tested in a BIG way. That was probably the most stressful part of the entire month. I was literally SKRESSED THE FUCK OUT. So what did I do? Got a second job! Literally the best job I’ve had, so far. This is such a cool bar guise. If you’re ever in town, or passing close by check out G.O.A.T. Sports Bar. BOMB ass food, cool ass people. Not only did I get a second job, but I’ve been sick for about a week & a half now. LULZ. This is probably the longest I’ve ever been sick for & I haven’t been sick in such a long time. I’ve also been dealing with some major writer’s block. It was fucking killing me. It fucking sucked. Still thriving & growing though ;D

 

So as ya’ll know I’ve been on that journey of “self love” oh whatevaaaa. Well while I’m still on it (GROWING Y TODO) I’ve been just “doing me”. Doing things I like to do, whenever I want to do them. I can’t help but be constantly reminded of my past. Mostly thanks to fucking Time Hop! That shit never let’s me forget what was going on last year *rolls eyes*. All these memories just keep coming back. All the feelings I once had. All the fun/good times I had/spent with “important people”. How I never wanted ton lose these people. Can’t help but miss it all. Miss the fucking people. Have the desire to just pick up my phone & FaceTime them(I hate texting). Just wanna hug them again. Want to go back to those exact times to relive it. Perhaps change the outcome of things. I’ll forever be guilty of doing this. Ya know, “living in the past.” I literally do it every year though xD

 

What sucks the most about being reminded of all this shit, is that it’s all COMPLETELY different now & I can’t help but be pissed off about it. Like these people aren’t important anymore. These people aren’t in my life anymore. I’m mad at that. You both were supposed to be here for a long time. In all honesty, as naïve as it sounds, you were supposed to be my forever. I literally had that in my head(psycho ha). You fucked up. You didn’t have to be such a piece of shit. But you were, shit, you still are. & this goes to the other one. You didn’t have to just dip. But you did… That hurt. You’re supposed to be here. You both were. Now it’s just over with.

 

When these people are out of your life, you realize a lot shit. Like maybe they were never that great?… They shouldn’t have been held on such a high pedestal. But hey, it was “the best” you knew/had at the time. But you know your worth now. What sucks about having such a big heart & caring so much, is that you never leave when you’ve been given so many chances/reasons to do so. You ignore all the red flags. & THERE WERE PLENTY. Trust me. From both people. So many warning signs. But for some odd ass reason, you wanna stick it out. In it for the long haul. You stay because, like I said, it was the best you knew at the time & like most people, were afraid of the “unknown”. Not knowing if life can get better. Unaware that you can & will do better. You know deep down inside, that you deserve better, but are you willing to jump?… Fuck no. But when you’ve been pushed so far close to the edge, you kinda have no choice anymore. Take that jump. People would normally say “take a leap of faith,” pero let’s make it a jump off a cliff. O sea take that jump boo! The water feels good. It’s fucking scary, don’t get me wrong. Ya girl has “drowned” a couple times but, I’M HERE BITCH! (Bonus points if you get that reference). I’m alive (you will be too). I’m still figuring this shit out. I sure am happy now. I’m living for me. I’m finally loving myself.. cause damn, I think I’m pretty fucking great. & I don’t mean to sound conceited about it, I just genuinely think I’m a cool person. A “little” rough around the edges ya know. Shit, nobody’s perfect, but hey I’m pretty close ;D JK.

 

Just a little reminder folks, it is okay to miss people. To miss how things used to be. Shout out to Bamba for helping me realize that. It’s okay to reminisce about the past. What once was. How these people made you feel. You can’t sit there & say they were always shitty. At one point, these people were a part of your life in a big way. It wasn’t all terrible. You shared great times with them. It’s perfectly fine. BUT, don’t forget your worth. You are important too. Your feelings are valid. Don’t ever sacrifice your happiness for someone else. DO YOU BOO <3 Like I said, I’m still thriving. I’m still enjoying my life & what it has to offer me. Life is going great. I’m still growing.

 

Well here are some pictures from the Cali trip I took at the beginning of the month! Went with my favorite down ass puta, Sav! Had a great time & a trip I definitely needed. Stayed at her family’s house! Her nana is the cutest woman alive! Went to a car show because reasons… They’re ALWAYS a good time. Spent time with one of my favorite humans ever! Bamba never fails to show us a good time! Thank youuuu! Hope you all enjoy the rest of your week! Xoxo.

 

I just really liked the blue wall to be honest.

Had to hit up a car show while in Cali OBVIO.

UGH! I love her so much!

Thanks for always being down puta.

 

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